The World Series begins today, dear reader, and it’s time for you to pony up. Pay the guy who made it possible for you to rightfully claim your place among the nouveau riche and buy that dream house in Newport Beach. Yes, I’m that same guy who told you via this blog, early in April this year, that the Chicago Cubs would meet the Cleveland Indians in the World Series.
I recall you were more than a bit skeptical, asking me where I got such a foolish notion that two such perennial losers could contend for baseball’s biggest prize. Why that would make for one of the longest of long shots in the annals of wagering, you said. I agreed, while attributing my insight to some mysterious late-in-life powers of reading the future that had been slowly invading my mind. Your skepticism persisted, as it should have. Then why, you asked, wouldn’t I keep this knowledge to myself and thereby up the take I’d make from an all-in bet? I countered by telling you that my religion forbade gambling, but not from passing the results of my prescience on to friends...and all of you out there in Bloggersville are my friends—good friends. All I ask is to be remembered with a pittance...say a 15% agent’s fee...yeah, let’s call it a standard agent’s fee.
Here, if you wisely burned my message after making your Vegas bets (or even if you didn’t act on my inside information and regret it now), are those picks made then and given to you with the correct calls of playoff teams shown in All caps and bold face. You will note that I correctly picked five out of six playoff teams; only with the Los Angeles Dodgers did I miss. (Not even Nostradamus batted a thousand.)
(EXCERPT FROM THE PRESEASON BLOG)
WEST CENTRAL EAST
SAN FRANCISCO CHICAGO WASHINGTON
**Arizona St. Louis *New York Mets
L.A. Dodgers Pittsburgh Miami
Colorado Cincinnati Philadelphia
San Diego Milwaukee Atlanta
WEST CENTRAL EAST
TEXAS Kansas City BOSTON
**Houston *CLEVELAND TORONTO
L.A. Angels Detroit New York Yankees
Seattle Minnesota Baltimore
Oakland Chicago Tampa Bay
*Denotes First Wild Card Team
** Denotes Second Wild Card Team
You can take it to the bank. Or to Las Vegas, if you’re so inclined. Now you’ll no doubt want to know who among these powerhouses of the enchanted diamond will meet in the World Series? And who will be crowned World Champion? Prepare yourself for a shocker. The Chicago Cubs will face the Cleveland Indians in the World Series! And the ultimate winner is? I won’t help you there... for personal reasons that I may or may not divulge in a later blog. But haven’t I brought you far enough already? So how do you pick a winner between two habitual losers? Flip a coin or bet them both; either way, you come out mucho chips to the good.
By the way, these selections are guaranteed. If they all do not finish in the order predicted, I will provide you picks for next year free of charge! And be sure to reserve the largest U-Haul truck available when you arrive in Vegas to collect your winnings. You’re welcome.
That was back in April. Let’s return to the here and now. Yes, I know that a few of you did not take my baseball predictions seriously and did not act upon them; you now feel left out of the company of swag takers. Take heart. I will soon be putting my predictive powers to work again on the upcoming national election. I will be posting on this blog November 6 the winners and losers of the presidency and the U.S. Senate, with the hard numbers –in time for you to lay your wagers in Vegas and make a social splash at your Election Eve party by calling the results before the pundits do.
Until then, happy days! And kindly remember your agent. A measly 15%.