Remember the “nothing burger?” Fox “News” folks’ metaphor for the Trump-Russia Investigation? Well, get ready for a big heap of Russian Dressing on that increasingly hard-to-find item—even at McDonalds, where our demented leader dines regularly.
Keep in mind that the national turmoil we watch unfold daily is not a war between left and right, but a civil war within the Republican Party. Doubt me? Consider the combatants: Fox News, Hannity, Rush, Jones, half of the House and Senate and the rest of the Alt-Right zealots on one side, pitted against the more moderate, dutiful Republican civil servants on the other. Proof? Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller (R) is a Republican, Deputy Director of the Department of Justice Rod Rosenstein (R) is a Republican, fired Director of the FBI James Comey (R) is a Republican; current Director of the FBI Christopher Wray (R) is a Republican. Point made?
I have previously admitted to my modest gifts of prophecy in calling baseball outcomes. I never disclosed that I have similar predictive powers in political matters. Now is the time to reveal that I do, and I sense a closing noose of justice in the very near future, around Reichsleiter Trump and a host of his inner and outer circle satellites. On what charges, the Fox noise machine will ask. Here’s what my paranormal informants tell me about The Donald’s legal future. He will be charged and convicted of:
- Conspiracy with the Russians to collude in breaking our election laws.
- Obstruction of justice.
- Money laundering.
- Tax evasion.
Verdict? Guilty on all counts. Bet you a hundred rubles my sources are right.
Punishment? My otherworldly informants have not transmitted that data to me yet, but when they do, I will pass it along. In the meantime, let us fret about who’s really to blame for these demeaning times and our national humiliation on the world stage? I mean, besides Vlad the Impaler. Well...I’ll tell you later...after I load up on term life insurance.